I have always wanted to adopt and the thought of it still makes me cry from the beauty of it all but recently, I have been hit with a lot of information that feels more anti-adoption. My vision blurred for a minute but I think I’m back to a good place with it all.
We have been told not to involve God in our children’s adoption stories, not to celebrate with “gotcha” days or announce excitedly with photos. We have been told not to change names because these children have already lost so much in the process. All of these are valid points but I don’t think they are a blanket statements. In my opinion, there are conversations to be had with your children regarding these things based on their age but ours are all too young to understand.
I am not ignorant to the fact that adoption brings its own set of pain and when the time comes, we will grieve with our babies. We will sit in terribly uncomfortable places with them, swallow any threatened feelings and support whatever they need to process and understand their stories. I know dark days are in our future but I refuse to let that steal our joy. I refuse to not celebrate our children.
No, I never got to take maternity photos or send out pregnancy announcements and so, it is entirely possible that this comes from a very selfish place but I my hope is that my children look back at these photos and know how desperately we wanted them, how ecstatic we were and how celebrated they were. Adoption Day and Adoption Day anniversaries are as big a deal as birthdays around here and with those same sentiments, I will continue to celebrate. I want my children to never question how much we want them and how much we love them.
I certainly cannot deny the presence of God in their adoption stories. I believe in my soul that they were meant to be ours before they were formed in their mother’s wombs. I understand that this means that they may question why God intended for them to hurt and be in hard situations before coming here, I understand this will give them an element of things to wrestle with in their faith. But, I don’t want my children to think that our God is a God of happiness and comfort, because he is not. I want my children to know God deeply and surely, to follow him through heart wrenching pain because that is when you truly get to know God. I want them to question and search, I don’t want a blind faith for them. So, I cannot leave God out of their stories. If the day comes where they do not agree with me and do not believe these things, I will let them live in their truth and will not force this upon them but unless and until that day comes – I will tell them of a God who brought them to me, who called them little augusties before they were born.
I believe adoption is good. I believe it is beautiful. I believe it has always been the plan for us and for our children. Neither one of us is second best or plan b for the other. However, I will never disown or not acknowledge the fact that hard things lead to adoption and that pain will almost certainly come for my children. I will not hesitate to acknowledge this pain and sit with them in it but it will not keep me from celebrating them and celebrating our family.